Небесна линија

Luck. The only thing that matters. Or is it?

I’ve been thinking. Just sitting alone in my hotel room in Thailand and thinking about luck. How the people can be non stop happy here, i mean, is that a good thing if its running non stop?

The irony is they think we are happy. We Europeans that fight all the time, that have traumatic blood and afoul dreams. Horrors in our head, feelings of terror reflected back in our face from millions of wars and tortures that we had every couple of years.

Thailand is one of the two countries in the world that never have been in war. Second is Switzerland, but thats not entirely true, cause there are so many more countries cause nobody knows them, they are too small to be noticeable, some of them only couple of small islands. Imagine. All those countries that never felt the terror of wars, the fakeness of politics, depression of bad weather and fighting each other, so they just developed different feelings about life. They live happily without even knowing that.

You may not agree, you may just think im obsessed with studying the sadness of the people so much that i think its all from wars and terrors that we do to each other. Well, what else can it be?

But even if its not true, i mean my theory. Lets say they just have happy genes, or some mystery in the air is causing their happiness, can we just ask ourselves, is that really what we need? Non stop happiness?

I was in Thailand six months and I’ve been doing some research about the way of leaving there, with my journalistic skills I’ve been making friends with both, Thai and foreign people. What i discovered, is that most of the Thai cannot be your friends. They can give you the best time in the world. they can make you happy every time you see them, like happiness with no expiration date but only foreign can be your friend. So why is that?

They are different, you need to adapt, or they need. Maybe the ultimate goal should be to meet each other on the half way. I mean with adaptation of your culture. Culture is nothing but our thinking of how should we live our lives.

They all speak same English sentences, and its grammatically wrong. Its like everybody cheated on the test and they got the wrong answers cause they all saw from one guy who obviously had the wrong answers. Foreigners have a word for that kind of English that Thai speak. They call it Thaiglish. Its so specific, like a new language. Once you get use to it, its not wrong anymore.

Cambodia was in war. Its on the east border of Thailand, and some of the people i know from Thailand told me how is there, whats the difference. They said people in Cambodia are a little colder from Thai people. There is just no warmer people then Thai in the whole world. Okay, maybe on some tropical islands. But hey, this is really unique discovery. Why do you think im writing about it?

Luck. Is that what we need really? Happiness, happy go lucky non stop? How is that gonna feel?

I will tell you. It feels stupid. But only in the eyes of a sad person.

Otherwise is a good kind of simplicity of your thoughts. Its like the feeling of the word “Whatever”.




The video is from Cambodia:

We used to connect with people trough the art everyone present to the world. The songs they listen, the bands they idolised, the clothes they wore and the words they say or the art they created.

In the glance of the moment, we founded ourselves today in this world without art, without connection, without something to hold on to. Where are all that artists that we cherished in our days, the love for the artistic lovers we’ve met every day? Where is all that gone?

We just grow up i guess. We love only money today, we learn to scam and survive. We used to connect, now we dont. We are just collaborating with people and we call that connection. But deep inside we felt that loneliness is worst of all.

Sadness mаkes you think. When you think you write, when you write you discover things you never new before. I didnt write from April and thats cause im a shamed that i had to come to Macedonia (shortly) and see nothings changed, The feeling is like a bird coming back into the cage where it was born and say: What a terrible idea?!

If you think hard enough you will see the difference in your personality when you coming in your home country (even for short), its a slowly shifting from freedom and love, to stress and repression. Its all in our minds yes, but the people around are influencing our minds. Its like that rise in the jars experiment with good and bad words. If you say good words, the rise is healthy, if its bad word, the rise is getting sick.

I can’t thank you enough for the good words you all said today for my birthday. It was like giving a dust of health to my mind. Thank you. I’ll give my best to help you whatever you need if you come to Thailand someday. Cheers!

My ex girlfriend send me these photos. What they eat in Thailand makes me throw up, but the people are great, im open minded so i understand their culture, its different but its theirs. People in my country are comparing their culture to ours, so in that case they look like stupid dirty gypsies that we despise over here(in Europe). Actually everybody despise gypsies everywhere, even in Thailand. So what makes us judge Thai people so much and think of them so low?
They are stupider generally then western world, because of their laziness and that comes from the tropic weather. But what if we open our mind a little bit and say – come on, try to interview them, try to live among them couple of months and try to understand them. You will learn so much that you never know that existed in them. Its like different planet yes, but different doesn’t mean bad, they never had war in all history, so they never felt evil in their blood, thats actually the most special thing in Thailand, their good heart that came from spearing them from the war traumas and cold weather. Yeas cold weather can be traumatic also!
Comparing them with our culture is wrong, they should be looked like separate culture, i cannot stand my parents and my friends in Macedonia telling me how i went to live with “gypsy people”. I mean 80% of their teenage girls have kids and their general awareness is zero, but still the goodness in their hearts can beat everything.
There are intelligent people there as well, finding them is hard, but when you find them you’ll see the same cold personality like European, so what is the point? However, there is also half way intelligent and half way warm, there is mix of everything there, so exploring Thailand is the most colorful thing that you have done in your life.

Ancud – Cambia


Once a man told me that love is for kids. I cant stop thinking about that for days. I keep coming back to that though and trying to confront it. Is it possible to be true? I mean, there is no universal true, my questions was actually do i want it to be true for me. Or maybe not? An artist is always in love, with everything, mostly with his creation. But the same man also told me art is artificial. Hence – love is fake. its a creation of our mind, so practically its just a delusion.

But we dont care, do we? We know this for a fact but we dont give a damn. Why? Because we enjoy in our delusions. We love them. Like we love our memories. Like we love to change our memories and make ourselves to believe in fake memories.

The problem comes in front of you when you find yourself doing things that you dont want but you cant control your feelings. So how can you believe 100% and control your believing, keep the sane mind?

Same man told me – Kids love, grown ups believe. So, we cannot escape from our delusions, we all create one and stick to it our whole life. The difference is that some people can control their delusions with just being conscious. Its like waking up in your own dreams. Imagine that.

Life seem like it was always just around the corner, or in some brief moment in the past that only remained a memory. Never here, never now. It was a promise, always perceived intuitively in a sent, in a glance, in a vague of feelings caused by nostalgia, in a touch of a body that reminds us of the person we love. Why then not simply in the touch of the person we love?

We couldn’t possible believe that we gonna find what we looking for our whole life. But we do. We tend to believe in things that are not real simply because the reality kills us.

You know the feeling after you watch a great movie? The feeling is a wish, just a strong wish that your closest person can understand this greatness. You see, understanding is all that matters. Love is just a product of understanding.

I am happy that i can say i found understanding here in Thailand. But i lost everything else. Everything that was worth loosing.


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Ѐ Ѝ è ѝ ô
Блогот е создаден во 2008-ма година и од него се публикувани две книги.


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